is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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