I think my fart just growled at me.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
