Got a toothbrush?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I supernannyed him into submission
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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