when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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