We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Randomize
