i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
