I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
