there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
