I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
