Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
