I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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