It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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