They should really pass out barf bags in church
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
