He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
