Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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