Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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