I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i now understand why vodka
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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