Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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