the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
