dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
