having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
