i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
