Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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