your parents love me but you hate me
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
