That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
