Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Duck Duck Cougar?
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
