I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
