I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
