Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Watching her eat just hurts me
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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