i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
