i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
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