that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
