How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
