hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
