I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I have feelings that need drinking.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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