We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
