when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
