Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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