I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
