All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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