I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
