Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
wow bdsm is so cute
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