Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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