I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
