You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
