We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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