so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
