FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
