Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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