6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
