Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
