...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
