Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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