just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
