At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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