I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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