did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
