i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
