Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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