this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
