why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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