And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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