Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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